We're all psychotic here

I had a great weekend. My bestie from NY came down to visit me and we had time to catch up and to make plans for the future. I am soooo soooo soooo soooo happy right now. I haven't been this happy in a long time. I think just her being here was enough to charge my batteries for a good while now!

*cheesin*

Yesterday was a hard day for me not only did I have trouble later on that day, but since my morning class I have had a migrain. YAY!!! *cries on the inside* But going on, when I am about to go into my last class for that day I got a call from a previous roommate, it rang like twice and then my phone died. Ok, so I didn't have my phone with me all day, so the previous roommate started to call my hubbie, and one of my cool bean friends. My friend came up to me after her class let out, and said that my previous roommate called her and that she wanted me to call her back. I said I wouls call her back when I am able to get home a charge my phone. I got home, and charged the phone, then another friend of mine came over to view the apartment cuz she is thinking about moving in!!! So we spent some time talking and making plans and playin devil's advocate to help her along with the whole thinking process. After a little while, she left and I was able to sit down and make a call to the previous roommate. She didn't answer...so I left her IM messages. and she didn't reply. So I left it alone. Ends up she got in contact with one of Cordells friends and asked if she could spend the night there. All in all, the boys and my friend are mad at me cuz, I guess I didn't take her in. I told my mom the story, the whole story and she was like; from what she can recall about the previous roommate. She would understand why I wouldn't want her here. Including since she is such a moocher. But mom said that, if cordell's friend didn't want to keep her that night he could have said, "no". So the only person he can be mad with is himself. My previous roommate could have called her parents and ask them to come and get them. So I don't understand why tempers are being fired towards me. No, means no means no. That is all I am going to say...and frankly they all can kiss my fucking ass!!! No one here is doing anything for me, they're not paying for my schooling, they aren't making me who I am. They're nobody! I love them, but if this is going to keep going on, fuck 'em, I don't need them to survive.

It is 5:52am and yet I am still not sleep! Cordell is spending the night, but he got shit faced at a party he went to, and is now taking up the whole bed, I think I should have told him to just stay with me for the night, since he was in Philly all day and I missed him. But he needs to have fun also, I am not complaining! but yeah, I am not having such a good time sleeping now days, cuz I am always thinking about Brew and her damn final...I can't wait to get this class over with! She can go rot in hell for all I care. I am kind of thirsty, but what can I do, except get up and get a glass of water. Tomorrow Cordell is going grocery shopping for the apartment and I am excited, cuz we haven't had that much food in the house for a good while. But I am going to go and see if I can go and turn that fucker over, so I can lay down. Peace and chicken grease.

I am at home right now, and Anndrea is fussing about doing dishes tomorrow! But when it comes down to the nitty griddy mom and dad are the ones making the kitchen dirty. I am not going into detail! But all I am going to say is that, I can't wait to go back home tomorrow! YAY! I hope Anndrea can spend a weekend with me again! I need to talk to mom and dad about that later on!

There is some major drama going around this school! I am not going to say who it is, or what I know! But all I know is that, some people need to grow the fuck up, I mean people are people, life is life, and a home is going to be a ho me. If no one says anything, no one will know the business around their daily life! As I said, I have had to deal with this before, and trust me I was not happy then and that is why I have distance myself from them in the long run. I can't take drama, I mean what is the point of it, it just causes stress, and headache, heartache, and broken friendships. I wish I still had some of the friendships that I had when I started here at this school, I see people I know; but we don't really talk that much any more. And I am not complaining, I think half of the relationships that I had back then were going to go their separate ways anyways, But still you can't have too many friends. Lets take for instance, Ms. Williams. I love her too death, but yet I am not too sure how she feels about me, we have been through some bad times, and so good times. I want to think that most of it was good times. But I think that she was miserable when she was living with me, and then after she moved out because of a dumbass lying and trying to get back at my boyfriend. But really I can see if she never trusts me again, because lets face it, we have had a lot of bad times, and bad times are the ones that everyone remembers! Every single finger licking time. But it is the same thing that I have been through all of my life. Friends come and go, but best friends are here to stay, and truthfully, I have a best friend but he is always busy and he is getting into his singing career. I mean, I can't have his attention like I did in high school. I am almost 21 years old, and he is almost 23 years old, we both have a love life, and we both are going for our dreams, so if we were meant to be together you know to hang out, catch up on old times, then faith will bring us back together. Until then, I am willing to wait, and go on with my life.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Other than that, I only have one more final which is due next week on Thursday! I hate her with all of my being, I wish she were dead, and/or buried alive!!!! LMAO but yeah, I am going to kill her off in my final. I swear I have never had this much fun with a final project, but I am sure that I am going to have one hell of a week and vacation after I turn that shit in. It will take a bunch of stress off of my plate, and I think that I will not have these really bad bags underneath my eyes. If someone were to look at me right now, they might think I am doing drugs or drinking my life away! I am not doing anything that is out of the normal of a college student. I am not getting enough sleep and I swear, it is catching up to me! I didn't think a week of not sleeping 8 hours a day would make my eyes look this bad. But then it could be that I am not eating as much also because of those diet pills I am taking. They are wonder workers though. I have lost 12 pounds in less than a week. I am happy but yet I still have a long ways to go, I want to get down to a size 11-12 and right now, I am about a 15-16...so I have to lose 3-4 dress sizes. Which is about roughly 30-50 pounds! I can do this, I know I can. I just can't wait that long, I want to lose the weight really quick just like how I put it on, FAST AS HELL!!! But I have to get back to my class, I have a final due right now!

I don't really know why I am posting, but I have some time during class...but what I was trying to say yesterday was that I am not comfortable getting an apartment with a bunch of guys and not expect people to judge me. And on the other hand, my mother wouldn't like it either. You know the whole christian thing!!! You should not shack up with not only your boyfriend, but a bunch of men also! I was brought up with that, and I will always hold that dearly, you know kind of

I can't remember when was the last time I actually wrote in this thing, but anyways, I am stuck in between a rock and a hard place because I want to get out of student housing, but I can't until I have found an apartment and have a stable job and have a stable income. All this won't be until the end of December, and I want to move out at the end of spring! But what has happened is, that my new roomie has been kicked out and she wants to get an apartment as soon as possible. I can't do that, I need time to get the money right ans everything behind it. I can't just jump into this. She is going off of impulse and might find herself in a trap later on. I need advise because, my fiance wants to get an apartment with some friends of ours, but they are all guys. I don't want to get an apartment with a bunch of guys and I be the only female in the bunch. I don't want to look like...easy, because everyone is always judging you. I have a goal in mind, and I know what I want, so I guess I am doing this by myself. I mean I am the only person I can depend on!

I have so much to do and some days I just can't work under the conditions that I under. I hope I can get into Crystal and Robyn's apartment. I can't be living with Cordell anymore. Including since Bridget is going to be there! I can't live with kids, she has a 5 month old baby! I just can't do it. I told him if I say with him, we keep the room and she gets a bed out in the living room. And it might be a good thing if he buys out the room so the bed out in the living room won't be suspisious. Plus how he has the room, no one else can stay in there unless he keeps the couch and the new kid gets the bed. But the thing is, if i can't get into the apartment, then there will be chaos. I don't need chaos. So yeah, I will be praying to get into the girls apartment.

Well, this is the second week of school and the whole tuesday and thursday classes from 8 am to 5 pm isn't all that bad! I like it actually! Because I have Mondays and Wednesdays off! I like it a lot. And it isn't like I am going to school by myself...I have Cordell, Crystal, and now Robyn. Which we are getting along famously. I am glad that whole situation is over and done with. It just shows who you can trust, because Ben knew that Crystal, Cordell and I were just by standers and Cordell was going to tell Robyn, but like a dumbass I told him to stay out of it, and what comes to Ben, Hat, and Stuckey ( I hate to admit) will come to them. And that just back fired in our faces because Ben told everyone that we did it and excluded himself. SUCH A BUTTFUCK! But now that it is over, I am glad that Robyn even had the heart to come and talk to us. But things are gettin gback into place, like they were in the old days, just without Tiffany. Bless her dear heart...with a kid and she knows who it is by. but going on...
I don't know, I am near that time and I am getting really irritated with Cordell, I don't know if it is his horomones or mine...but I have quite an attitude with him and what he says to me or even ask. LOL I hope I don't kill him.

I have nothing to do andreally nothing to say, I am up here because I have time. Something I don't have when I am in school. Which by the way starts Monday yay a whole fucking week to ourselves. I came home to help my parents move into their new house and loard and behold they aren't moving until the tuesday 2 days after I leave. I look at it, you have a strong back to help you move and yet, you move when your strong back leaves... I wonder about my family sometimes! IT seems that the hubbie doesn't want to talk to me, and that is fine I mean we practically live together and we needed sometime to get away from each other I feel. So Honey if you are reading this "HAVE FUN!" I know I am! I am planning to go out and get shit faced tonight. I hope albert doesn't fall back on my plans like he did earlier. I was suppose to go to the DMV but Mr. Albert doesn't show up and he doesn't answer his fucking cellie! Go Figure. But yeah, I think I should write in my LJ more now that I have to be at the computer more often and this site is a site I check everyday (just don't write in it everyday) so I might make it a habit to start writing in it. *YAY* well I have to go cut my wrist and take pictures and put them on MySpace. So I will be on later hopefully checking some COMMENTS!!!!!

I am so tired and I signed up for classes like last week and it come up on the website that I have only tuesday and thursday classes. from 8am to 5pm! I am not looking forward for that. I guess that I will talk to Griffin about switching me into his class then I will have to change the other class that I have at 2pm. I wasn't looking forward to this at all. If they just kept the registration policy the same I wouldn't be in this fuckin bind. But now I have to pay for what the school has fucked up on. THANK YOU AI fuckin W you know how to make someone's life worst than it already is! Ok...I think I am done ranting about the damn school. I wasn't thinking about transfering to California NE WAYS!!! but yeah, that is just me thinking out loud.but onto better things. I have class in a few and I don't want to go. But then I have to think...if I go I get to see griffins beautiful face and teeth. Ahhhh... the wonders of a beautiful face can cure wonders!!!!!

I found out that my best friend Albert is going to be signed to P.Diddy's label and I am so excited for him. But what I am not looking forward to is... him moving on, we have been best friends since 7th grade and letting him go is going to be hard. He was always there for me in the end, and when we fought we budded heads like rams but we got over it like an obstacle! All I am saying is that we have been throught so much and I can't let that go! He reassures me that he will be the same Albert and that he will keep in touch with me always but I am going into Animation and my fiance is going into Game Art and Design, both jobs require us to travel. Not only that but He will travel more that I will and that means that I won't be able to see him that much if we can't stay together. So I lose either way I turn, I thought that I would love my future both ways I looked at it, it's turning out to be kind of scary, I can only see myself alone in the end. I mean I know Cordell Loves me to death and its the same in reverse, but in the end...He could only see me when he wasn't working on a project, and that's if he lives in the same fucking state or continent as me. I have to go to class right now, but yeah everyone gets me drift...so what would you do?

I think I have offically pulled out all of my hair. I have no hair...LOL just kidding!!!! But yeah, I am sitting in my room, in bed at 8:12 thinking about goin to bed! CRAZY! I have nothing to do, and I can't go out because mom isn't here. I don't like this...I am going to go insane man! Please let these days fly by so I can go home with my baby!!!! I miss him soooooo much.

Sitting here tearing out my hair handful by handful and missing the love of my life! I am trying to have fun but my family is seriously pissing me the fuck off. Just hearing their voice calling my name, is annoying, because I know they want me to do something for them. LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! The only one I am having fun with is Anndrea my little sister! She doesn't ask me to do a damn thing, and plus she sits in her room most of the day anyway! So what is there to be bothered about? I am annoyed with Babie, which is the damn little dog. She pisses all over the place and then what makes it even worse is that she knows that she is wrong! So I am not so happy right now! I just want to be by myself...but I get no privacy! I swear my mom wants me to like keep the door open at all times. I know this isn't my room, they just kicked me the fuck out. Once I moved into student housing, they let Anndrea have my room, and then made her room an office. I mean what if things didn't work out with school housing? Where would I go, cuz I am sure they wouldn't move Anndrea back into this closet! I don't know...I just don't feel like I belong! Like all that time they wanted me to move out and hope that I never come back! Even so, they could have at least told me...I mean yes it would have hurt a lot to hear that, but in the long run I know what I have to do! But I guess they want me to come back for holidays and stuff, but it is such a hassle...I don't feel like going back and forth. So I just stay home and don't really come home. But that is fine. I just need to chill the fuck out! Cuz when I think like this, it makes me want to start to cut myself again! I can't go back to that. I just can't!!!! I need to lay down... I'll write later.

I am at home now, and trust me I am not liking it at all! I am bored out of my mind. I am sitting here pulling my hair out and spitting spit bubbles! I deserve better than this! I want to go home and be with my baby! We haven't had a christmas with each other yet. Almost two years and no christmas! That's isn't good!